Hai, My name is Meykke
Alvia Yuntiawati. People know me as Meykke Santoso because I want so. I am 23
years old just now. I am living with all dreams and spirit following along.
I am
finally-turned-23-year-old woman who is enjoying her life so much. It is not
because my life is going damn smoothly. I have been through so many
difficulties, obstacles, and nightmares in my life. I experienced so many
things in my life that not all people did. My first nighmare when I was in
elementary school and I realized something about me. I lost the confidence
since then. I wore jacket all the time and the only wish I sent up that time is
“Please God, I wanna disappear!” I hit the bottom. I hate myself. Life was just
not fair. So damn not fair, suck!
The second nightmare is
when I was in senior high school. Oh menn, what kind of life was it? I used to
sleep with headset plugged in my ear with maximum volume because I don’t want
to hear two people having quarrel all the night long. I hit the bottom. “Why is
having a happy life just so damn difficult?” I thought every night before
sleep. I even just wish for the normal life.
It was me. Time is
running and I realized something. I am an ordinary human. I cannot control all
situations or destiny coming to me. But I can control one thing. I can control
myself. I can control how I have to react. I was wrong. I reacted in the wrong
way and being stuck with the bitter thought. My life was so gloomy. The destiny
is never wrong, human is. God is never wrong, human is.
Then, I change my mind. I
change how to see the destiny. I change the whole me. It is because I want to
be happy. There is no happiness in this life unless you create one. And at that
moment, I promised I would start my happy life.
The situation indeed has
no change, at all. But my reaction changed. What happened to my parents is not
under my control, it is beyond my control. I have no power to change
everything. I am not saying it is easy to understand. In fact, I was living
with hatred. I was living in the pain. Sometimes I was just like cola that
being shaked damnly hard and spurted straightaway once it’s open. I exploded
easily.
Sometimes I think that it
was one of the reason I cannot hold my love. I exploded easely. My emotion was
labile. Sometimes I spoke harshly to him. He was just so patient to me. When I
was angry he sunddenly came to my house at night just to calm me down. But,
have you ever heard that someone’s behavior depends on what environment she/he
is living in?? That was me. I hit the bottom again. I never experience losing
someone in my life. That time, I lost a man I had ever loved the most along my
life after being together for almost 5 years. “Heyy, we are growing up
together, let’s just grow old together!” The promise that will never happen.
Again, I was in pain. I
was in deeply broken-heart. I cried a lot. I wanted him back but my ego and
prestige holded me back. Once I thought I was not talented in loving someone. I
distrust someone easily. It makes someone tired. But it is because I once saw
cheating in relationship indeed exists in this world, looong looong time before
I had my own relationship. I was living with all anticipation back then. I just
didn’t want it happen to me, ever. But it happened anyway. Again, that’s life.
Along the path I am
thinking a lot, I am growing up. I have one moment in my life when I realized
everything happened in my life. Because if there were all of them, I never
reach this far. If the past didn’t go that way, I will never be this stronger.
There is one moment I say thanks to my past that i’m here now, I’m a lot
stronger now, I’m a lot more confident and independet now. I can become what I
am is because all the past and the life-lesson I have.
All the pain and sorrow
is just the part of life I have to get through and I will catch so many lessons
afterwards. I feel at ease now. I will move forward without turning back. But I
will surely look back for a while. I will look back to the past and say thank
you to God. I may not being in the place I dream now, but thanks God I am not
where I was. I am moving forwards with all the spirit and prayers I send up in
every day and night. My life is not as perfect as the others. But my life is
the best life I can have. God is never wrong. God is good. What I know is I
never gain what I wish unless I struggle for it. And every single struggle will
surely pay off!!
Here I am. That girl is
turning into 23 year-old woman. I am so grateful with all I have in my life. I
am so thankful because my life is never flat. I am so happy because I have
family, many bestfriends and all nice people around me. God knows everything
better than me. God knows what is the best for me.
Dan bila aku harus
mengeluhkan tentang sesuatu dalam hidupku, aku tidak tahu apa yang harus aku
keluhkan. Nikmat Alloh sungguh besar dibandingkan masalah yang mendera. Now, I
love my life. I love it sooooo much. For me, God works a lot on me. Thank you
very very much. Thank you.
Thank you for all prayers
from my family that called me in the early morning. Thank you for all prayers
came from my bestfriends, my school and college friends, my workmates, my
writer and blogger friends, my traveller friends, and all the acquintances. I
feel my life is full of blessings and they are one of my strengths to face the
wider world. Thank you so much.
So you have been being grown up? I thought everything you've reached today is just because of your hard work. But i was wrong, you get all of great things in your life now is because of the life lessons in past. Yeah.. now i know, that a past can change us to be so much better than we used to be, if we want to learn of those pasts!
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