THANKS GOD, I AM GROWING UP!

Hai, My name is Meykke Alvia Yuntiawati. People know me as Meykke Santoso because I want so. I am 23 years old just now. I am living with all dreams and spirit following along.

I am finally-turned-23-year-old woman who is enjoying her life so much. It is not because my life is going damn smoothly. I have been through so many difficulties, obstacles, and nightmares in my life. I experienced so many things in my life that not all people did. My first nighmare when I was in elementary school and I realized something about me. I lost the confidence since then. I wore jacket all the time and the only wish I sent up that time is “Please God, I wanna disappear!” I hit the bottom. I hate myself. Life was just not fair. So damn not fair, suck!

The second nightmare is when I was in senior high school. Oh menn, what kind of life was it? I used to sleep with headset plugged in my ear with maximum volume because I don’t want to hear two people having quarrel all the night long. I hit the bottom. “Why is having a happy life just so damn difficult?” I thought every night before sleep. I even just wish for the normal life.

It was me. Time is running and I realized something. I am an ordinary human. I cannot control all situations or destiny coming to me. But I can control one thing. I can control myself. I can control how I have to react. I was wrong. I reacted in the wrong way and being stuck with the bitter thought. My life was so gloomy. The destiny is never wrong, human is. God is never wrong, human is.

Then, I change my mind. I change how to see the destiny. I change the whole me. It is because I want to be happy. There is no happiness in this life unless you create one. And at that moment, I promised I would start my happy life.

The situation indeed has no change, at all. But my reaction changed. What happened to my parents is not under my control, it is beyond my control. I have no power to change everything. I am not saying it is easy to understand. In fact, I was living with hatred. I was living in the pain. Sometimes I was just like cola that being shaked damnly hard and spurted straightaway once it’s open. I exploded easily.

Sometimes I think that it was one of the reason I cannot hold my love. I exploded easely. My emotion was labile. Sometimes I spoke harshly to him. He was just so patient to me. When I was angry he sunddenly came to my house at night just to calm me down. But, have you ever heard that someone’s behavior depends on what environment she/he is living in?? That was me. I hit the bottom again. I never experience losing someone in my life. That time, I lost a man I had ever loved the most along my life after being together for almost 5 years. “Heyy, we are growing up together, let’s just grow old together!” The promise that will never happen.

Again, I was in pain. I was in deeply broken-heart. I cried a lot. I wanted him back but my ego and prestige holded me back. Once I thought I was not talented in loving someone. I distrust someone easily. It makes someone tired. But it is because I once saw cheating in relationship indeed exists in this world, looong looong time before I had my own relationship. I was living with all anticipation back then. I just didn’t want it happen to me, ever. But it happened anyway. Again, that’s life.

Along the path I am thinking a lot, I am growing up. I have one moment in my life when I realized everything happened in my life. Because if there were all of them, I never reach this far. If the past didn’t go that way, I will never be this stronger. There is one moment I say thanks to my past that i’m here now, I’m a lot stronger now, I’m a lot more confident and independet now. I can become what I am is because all the past and the life-lesson I have.

All the pain and sorrow is just the part of life I have to get through and I will catch so many lessons afterwards. I feel at ease now. I will move forward without turning back. But I will surely look back for a while. I will look back to the past and say thank you to God. I may not being in the place I dream now, but thanks God I am not where I was. I am moving forwards with all the spirit and prayers I send up in every day and night. My life is not as perfect as the others. But my life is the best life I can have. God is never wrong. God is good. What I know is I never gain what I wish unless I struggle for it. And every single struggle will surely pay off!!

Here I am. That girl is turning into 23 year-old woman. I am so grateful with all I have in my life. I am so thankful because my life is never flat. I am so happy because I have family, many bestfriends and all nice people around me. God knows everything better than me. God knows what is the best for me.

Dan bila aku harus mengeluhkan tentang sesuatu dalam hidupku, aku tidak tahu apa yang harus aku keluhkan. Nikmat Alloh sungguh besar dibandingkan masalah yang mendera. Now, I love my life. I love it sooooo much. For me, God works a lot on me. Thank you very very much. Thank you.

Thank you for all prayers from my family that called me in the early morning. Thank you for all prayers came from my bestfriends, my school and college friends, my workmates, my writer and blogger friends, my traveller friends, and all the acquintances. I feel my life is full of blessings and they are one of my strengths to face the wider world. Thank you so much.