If God Says, "Ok guys, Time is up!"

Few days ago together with my grandparents and younger sisters I visited some memorial gardens since the parents of my grandparents have been placed in some different places. I even visited catolic memorial garden with all beautiful graves there, the grave of my grandfather’s mother.

As I got off the car, we entered the first memorial garden, a quite wide humid land with many gravestones all around. Some were new, some were quite old with some fallen-leaves covered them, and the rest were totally damaged like noone takes care of it.

At that time, we were the only visitors, it was indeed still morning. Visiting the relatives or forefathers at the end of Ramadhan, approching Ied Day is one of our tradition, so it is a must for us to send up our prayers and bring the roses to spread all over the grave.  

So quite there, my grandmother was praying in front of her mother’s grave that I’ve never seen. I was following her and sending up my prayers to her. I feel so grateful because I have never lost relatives or family. I mean, I still have complete grandparents from both my mother and my father. So, everytime I visit the memorial garden, I visit my grandparents’ parents and their relatives.

While I was praying for her, my mind was going around.

It is where I finally end up at later on...

All people I always meet everyday will be here as well. I just feel like deeply sad in sudden.

When will my turn come?

Where?

What age?

How?

What happen?

All the questions are popping up my mind without stop. I never experience losing someone because he/she dies. I don’t know how it feels and of course I don’t want it to happen.

And I just think if I am the one who lay down inside here, alone, in the darkness, without pillow or blanket. If rain comes I would be freezing and wet. If it is so sunny then I would be so hot deep inside here.

And if now I am sending up the prayers for her, later on I would be the one who is received such prayers from my relatives or maybe from my children. Well, it would be my children if I have chance to have them, if not??

Imagining all those stuff makes me scared.

And if now I can pray together with my family at our house, one day there would be a day I have to pray in front of ‘them’, pray to save them from damnation and place them in the most beautiful place God has.

And if now we can share laughter with family and friends, we can call them, visit them and eat together, then there comes a day we no longer do such a thing together, because we can’t.

And one by one they would go, and at the end of our time, we finally go.

Then what will happen after that?

Have you ever thought about it?