I hate myself when I wish I could do something but she guess otherwise. I hate myself when I wanna be someone I wish, but she is actually quite otherwise. It is not about how she looks like, it is not about how she dresses up herself, it is not about something you can see, it is about her mind with all bad things continuously running around her head. Not something physically, but mentally. She always over worries about something hasn’t come yet, she always worries about something which maybe will not like she wish beforehand. She always worry about tomorrow, and it keep going worse and worse, sometimes makes her hardly sleep at night. It sounds that I dramatize how her life works, actually it is what really happen though.

She just wanna calm down, have positive thinking about something happening, wanna be so cheerful because she really is, not depends on situation. If she likes the situation and people around her, she will be cheerful, but if the situation sucks, she will not. What the heck is it all??

She can’t always hear what people’s mouth say to her. Sometimes she needs to be deaf of hearing someone cursing. Sometimes she needs to not care what people say about her. In the fact, she does care about it all. And I don’t care. She always worry about someone else’s opinion. And I don’t care.

She wanna go off to elsewhere. To be new her. She with all things she needs, not about something you can see, but about something you can feel. With get-up-and-go. She will not be nutcase.

Hopefully she can be much better as time goes by. It must be that way.

:))

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